My brain is busy this morning. It has so many thoughts going through it that I can’t focus on just one. I tried while I was running this morning, but while I paced my legs I couldn’t pace my mind. Just when I settled on one thought, it switched to something else. So, this is my attempt to at least settle it a little.
I’m processing all that went on last week and all that is to still come… thinking it through… letting it all set in.
I’m thankful for a safe procedure on my precious girl… for that courageous girl with a lion heart… for a smooth recovery… for technology to make it all happen… for a doctor who took time to message me with concern and an idea…for the doctor who wasn’t too proud to take the suggestion… for seen improvement… for friends and family who helped, prayed, listened, and encouraged… for my heart mama friends who get it with absolutely zero explanation… for my husband who picked up the slack at home while I spoiled my girl… for my God who is my anchor in every storm.
My heart is aching for my girl who knows that this life is not fair… for my girl who just wants to go back to “normal”… for my girl who does not want to do this again… for my girl who wanted to be so brave but just couldn’t so she hid her head and cried in her pillow… for my girl who couldn’t wait to go back to school this morning but then didn’t want to answer all the questions… for my girl who has had to grow up much too fast.
I’m waiting. Waiting for the phone to ring to find out what the doctors decided about what we do next… waiting to see if we agree… waiting to know where we go from here…
I’m struggling with all of it… I liked the “normal” that we had found… the calm… the absence of procedures… I’m truly thankful that this is fixable but wish it was already fixed… struggling with the reminder of our reality as a heart family… just struggling.