While I haven't ridden in a couple years, I have been around horses and have ridden horses since before I was walking.  In fact, I got my first pony of my very own when I was about 2 years old.  I loved riding with my brothers and Dad and probably spent more of my childhood on a horse than doing anything else.  However, I was never quite as comfortable around them as my brothers were and always had a little bit of fear… probably a healthy amount of fear, but fear none the less.  When I was in early elementary school, I remember riding our little shetland pony.  He was SO VERY stubborn, but super cute.  I was riding along and he decided that he didn't want to be ridden so he just laid down.  It scared me, and I wanted to get off and go inside, but my Dad didn't let me.  He made me get back on and keep riding him.  My Dad did exactly what he should have done, but I didn't like it.  It was hard.

In the last 4 months, I've been thinking a lot about this subject: facing fears.  It's hard, but we would miss out on a lot of life if we didn't do it.  Several other heart mamas have asked me how I was able to have another baby after Maggie.  After Maggie was born, the idea of getting pregnant again was not an option.  It terrified me and Ryan.  However, as time passed, I became more okay with the idea.  I met other heart moms who decided to have more children and were so blessed by that decision.  Most of them, went on to have perfectly healthy kiddos.  A couple of them did not.  However, it might have been those who did not who were more of an encouragement to me.  I saw that if God decided to give me another child with a special heart, that He would get me through once again.  He would lead me, and never let me go just as He always has. 

It was a very hard decision for us to make. It was scary and life changing.  However, it was one of the best decisions we have ever made.  Evangeline Kait has been a true blessing to us, and I'm so glad I didn't let my fear of this…

April 0592

get in the way of this…