Loving a Heart Child

I held you once without knowing of your broken heart,
I have a picture from that one moment at the very start.
Within hours, the tears came and sadness fell,
I felt we had lost you- though the future one can not foretell.

We saw you with tubes and wires on all the parts I helped to make,
Not being able to hold you then was almost more than we could take.
We couldn’t kiss it and make it better; it wouldn’t work this time.
So we sat there, trusting doctors and waiting for a recovery sign.

The path we took is paved with loss of loved ones.
When each surgery time came, we wanted to pack you up and run.
Why do we have to cause you such pain to make you feel good?
Though you know we would take the pain away if we could.

Many beautiful children each year still lose this fight,
So much love to give, it doesn’t seem right.
Today, we want to hug you and hold you near,
Because the future still fills us with fear.

So if I hold you a little longer than I usually do,
Or let you make messes and clean them up without condemning you.
I also might cry when I think of how I have changed since you came,
My life will never be the same.

Looking back we weren’t prepared for you,
Sure we wanted and loved you, but there is more that’s needed too.
To love someone so greatly to be willing to give them back above, That my dear is everlasting, unconditional love.

By Angela Niemeier (mother to 3 year old, complex heart post Fontan)